Year-End Review: 2023 – Moving Forward
Estela Young
Today, as I headed home, I sat in the car watching the sun at a little past four o’clock. It looked like a household lamp‑shaped little sun, casting a warm orange glow that fell on...
Today, as I headed home, I sat in the car watching the sun at a little past four o’clock. It looked like a household lamp‑shaped little sun, casting a warm orange glow that fell on the icy surface of Qinghe Lake in the cold Beijing wind, as if that warm light were melting the ice. I kept walking toward the light, as if chasing an unattainable hope.
Winter in Beijing really does feel endless—temperatures start dropping in early October and don’t warm up until around March. My 2023 felt even longer and colder than this Beijing winter. Yet, somehow a tiny sun seemed to ignite in my deadened heart, warming me just a little, and I’m moving toward that little sun inside me.
Perhaps the chilly year of 2023 will eventually pass.
Whether or not things turn out as I hope, I still want to write a year‑end summary out of habit, as a little memento.
So here goes this diary‑like recap.
工作篇 (Work)
After a year and a half of endurance, I finally reached a “last straw” in November and decided it was time for a change. Saying goodbye is hard, change is hard, and welcoming something new is hard too. But I really miss the version of myself who threw herself into work; I hope she comes back soon.
Fortunately, a few days ago an old friend praised me and gave me confidence.
He asked, “One question, do you have any dream?”
He said, “I think you should listen to your heart and try something new, which can make you feel alive.”
He added, “I also think it’s very personal; you’re so young, you have plenty of time to take some risks…”
Yes, I’m still young. I may not know exactly what my dream is yet, but I do know what makes me happy and what irritates me. If a way of being or working doesn’t suit me, I’ll drop it and just be myself.
生活篇 (Life)
It’s been a tough year romantically.
It’s also been a year full of friendship. Thanks to my close girlfriends. Some words of gratitude are hard to say out loud, but I’ll never forget how responsive you are: answering my calls instantly, coming over to my place, taking me out for a walk, or meeting me at the gate of the community, chatting late into the night under a moonless sky.
I’m so lucky to have you all by my side.
阅读篇 (Reading)
Douban shows I read 39 books this year.
Since learning about Justice Kinsberger in 2022 and the buzz around Chizuko Ueno, I’ve become increasingly interested in feminist topics. I read a lot of related books this year; here are a few simple recommendations:
- Feminism starts with understanding your own body: 《身体由我》
- Listening to older women’s stories: 《春桃》, 《我的母亲做保洁》, 《明亮的夜晚》, Yang Benfen’s trilogy 《秋园》, 《浮木》, 《我本芬芳》
- Contemporary professional women’s values: 《向前一步》
- Essays by women writers: 《我的阿勒泰》 (any book by Li Juan is worth recommending), 《东京八平米》
I also want to recommend 《静寂工人》. In it I glimpsed how small an individual can feel amid the tide of history—powerless, yet more motivated to make each day count.
影视篇 (Film & TV)
Douban counts 139 films and shows watched this year. I’ve binge‑watched a lot of series; here are a few highlights:
- British drama 《殊途同归》 Seasons 1 & 2 – a courtroom story that constantly makes you ponder human nature.
- Japanese drama 《非自然死亡》 – forensic medicine.
- Medical documentaries 《生命时速紧急救护120》 and the 《我的白大褂》 series.
- Sea‑faring documentaries 《出海》 and 《口罩猎人》.
- TVB documentary 《寻人记》 – what happened to the people featured in news reports thirty years ago? Always brings tears for the turtle‑rabbit couple.
- Re‑watching 《肖申克的救赎》 – it never gets old. Some people aren’t in prison but are still trapped; isn’t that me?
成长篇 (Growth)
The most worthwhile thing this year was seriously studying Positive Psychology in September, through the “30 Lectures on Positive Psychology” course and the “Positive Psychology” class on Xuetang Online. It’s a science that suffers from a misleading name, and I regret not starting earlier. I’ll definitely revisit it again next year.
I especially remember Zhao Yukun’s lecture on Flow. He suggested treating life itself as the ultimate flow experience. That idea seemed to untangle my instinctive resistance to life’s complexity and the negative, sluggish feelings I’d been carrying. Life is hard, but if I keep trying, I can do it.
I’ll keep learning, strive to improve, and aim to hand in a satisfactory answer to the “greatest flow of life” assignment.
玩乐篇 (Leisure)
Travel recommendation for the year: Southern Xinjiang (Kashgar, Taxian). Travel guide link:
The picture above shows Muztagh Aga (Mount Muztagh) on the road through southern Xinjiang.
Other places I’ve been: Western Sichuan (Daocheng Yading, Four Ladies Mountains), Liuzhou, a team‑building trip to Zunyi—travel notes are still unwritten…
A brand‑new experience for me this year was attending a concert! Saying goodbye to summer with a massive sing‑along gave me a soul‑shaking, out‑of‑body feeling. I also watched a speed‑skating competition (though I originally wanted tickets for short‑track speed skating…).
I also completed a Van Gogh Sunflowers puzzle and handcrafted a book‑stand. Making things by hand helps me focus and brings a great sense of achievement.
Every new experience is so fascinating.
That’s it—I finally finished writing! It’s truly a stream‑of‑consciousness diary, but that’s fine; putting it down feels like a victory.
In January I really need to settle some accounts and try to finish the travel notes first; the other things I keep muttering about can wait until February.
A new year, walking toward the sun inside my heart, forever moving forward.
Happy New Year.
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Product manager | Reading | Travel | Psychology | Everyday
Originally written by Estela Young and published in Chinese on 一只产品汪的自白. Translated and edited for DriftSeas with permission.
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- [1]一只产品汪的自白