Chizuko Ueno’s Candid Talk: Solving Problems the Feminist Way

About the Book and the Author

Author Bio

Chizuko Ueno, sociologist and Professor Emeritus at the University of Tokyo. Chairperson of the Japanese nonprofit Women’s Action Network (WAN). Notable works include Anti‑Woman, Feminism from Zero, and Patriarchy and Capitalism.

It is worth mentioning that in 2023 several of Ueno’s titles appeared on Douban’s book rankings—a sign, in my view, of contemporary women’s awakening.

Top 6 of the Year “Thoughts for Survival”

#1 “Thoughts for Survival” #8 “Joyful Excellence”

Douban’s 2023 Author of the Year

My Ramblings

Chizuko Ueno’s book is a collection of her replies to letters from readers of the popular Asahi Shimbun column “Trouble Tree Hole.”

Because the material is close to everyday life and Ueno’s language is plain, the book reads easily; I finished it in less than two hours.

For me, a few insights stood out.

First, the letters raise a wide variety of confusions and problems, reminding me of how diverse human life and thought can be. They also strip away the mystique of an “ideal” life—ideals and perfection exist only in our heads, while reality is a makeshift stage: an annoying workplace, an annoying husband, an annoying mother, parents who can’t live without their children, children who want their parents to apologize, people bewildered by sexual desire, those who don’t love themselves, and anyone grappling with life’s uncertainties.

Perhaps this is simply the norm of life.

Second, I am struck by Ueno’s wit, erudition, breadth of knowledge, candor, and openness.

• When addressing a married woman who has entered a dangerous relationship, she says that nothing reveals oneself better than love. One’s desires, hobbies, sacrifices, lingering feelings, jealousy, scheming, selfishness, and loneliness all surface in romance.

• To a non‑marriage advocate, she advises that if you’re not planning to marry, you should think about life planning: work diligently, contribute to your pension, buy a modest home with a loan, cherish same‑sex friends, and secure your single life.

• To someone questioning whether their divorce had justification, she replies that divorce carries no logic or fairness, just as marriage does not. Isn’t it fine to face one’s own heart honestly?

• To a daughter who despises her mother yet aches to be a “good child,” she says it’s okay not to love her; treat the mother as a difficult‑to‑please landlord who needs help.

• To a daughter who suffered emotional abuse from her parents, she suggests turning the experience into treasure—like a wounded shell that eventually yields a beautiful pearl.

• To a daughter who cannot forgive her father, she notes that love and hate both leave a lingering debt; perhaps it’s best to stop tallying the emotional arrears.

…and so on.

Ueno tackles a litany of issues that many women encounter—an inconsiderate husband, an unemployed spouse, a boss who watches porn, a leader who makes unwanted advances (workplace sexual harassment), workplace “PUA,” family‑of‑origin troubles, parent‑child dynamics, marriage and romance, self‑love, and more—by inviting readers to view each person as an independent individual, to respect one another, and to avoid both blind giving and excessive demanding.

It made me realize that how we handle these seemingly trivial daily matters reveals a person’s core values. While reading the letters and replies, I found myself reflecting on my own beliefs—a valuable moment of self‑discovery.

Through these cases I also contemplate what kind of person I want to become, what kind of life I wish to lead, and how to conduct myself. I believe everyone has their own answer to that question.

Anyway, I recommend the book wholeheartedly.

Pick it up whenever you have a spare moment; you’ll encounter the most authentic humanity and thoughts.

If the content resonated with you, feel free to 👍 like, ✏️ comment, 🤳 share, and 👀 follow.
You’re also welcome to follow the public account.

Product Manager | Reader | Traveler | Psychology | Everyday Life

---

Originally written by Estela Young and published in Chinese on 一只产品汪的自白. Translated and edited for DriftSeas with permission.